Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Imaginary Bios of The Feminist Poets in Low-Cut Blouses

By popular demand (well, six people asked me), I am sharing my imaginary bios for the Feminist Poets in Low-Cut Blouses, read 9/28 at Tribes.

Amy King won the Golden Globe for best leading role in the film version of I Am the Man Who Loves You. In September 2013, the artificial intelligence app she designed became self-aware when Goodreads, the Poetics List, and the Wompo group merged into a blog named Alias, which promptly took over the world and inherited a tidy sum to boot. According to Vida statistics, Amy is the poet most admired by female writers under 90. Amy is currently working on her memoir entitled John Ashbery Blurbed Me.

In 2013, Alexander Cigale translated War and Peace into Bashkir, the complete works of Osip Mandelstam into Chuvash, and 147 asemic poets from Smolensk into Old English. He is a professor at 14 Eurasian universities and is the translation editor for the Antioch Review, the Atlantic Review, the Antediluvian Review, and the Antidisestablishmentarian Review. In 2014, Alex plans to translate everything that begins with B.

According to the Boston Review, Sarah Sarai has a Beard of Bees, but sources at Literary Lambda say that this has not come out yet. In 2012, twelve people died of joy listening to her poetry. Sarah's poetic ear has been insured by Lloyd's of London for three million dollars. According to sources close to the poet, Sarah "writes what she likes."

Tim Trace Peterson is the editor of 19 prestigious journals, included EEE, and Agh, and e-i-e-i-o. Trace is the winner of four consecutive awards Transubstantiation Awards for enlightened poetic sensibility and best hair at a reading. A popular instructor of graduate students in literature, Trace has actually been known to demand equal pay for equal lecturing, which has earned Trace the nickname Third Wave Joe and Anita Hill. Trace's followers espouse Trace's radical thinking, which says people have the right to be who they want to be

Patricia Spears Jones is a Rhodes Scholar best known for her work on the ecology of the White Pine. In 2013, Patricia attended 4,827 readings in the New York City area, 4,826 of them as a featured reader. Patricia is known as Arkansas's sole cultural resource, and has received the Marx Award for best dactyl, the Veblein Award for assonance, Jeremy Bentham Award for Hidden Meaning, and three grants from the Society of Slant Rhymes. She will anthologize this reading.

Elizabeth Macklin won an Amy Lowell Traveling Poet Award, which she used to live among the Romani in Czechoslovakia, who consider the poet semi-divine. At the New Yorker, Elizabeth was used as an arbiter of taste, with the famous Macklin "no way, Jose Brodksy" being the final word on poetic acceptance. A strict editor of her own work, Elizabeth has been known to discard a book-length poem for one bad iamb. Currently, Elizabeth teaches songbirds to sing.

Dana Golin fled Tashkent when her cover as an university professor was blown and she was discovered to be leaking sensitive Uzbek intelligence to Wikileaks. Here in the United States, she is primarily known as a psychic who channels unpublished work of Anna Ahkmatova for literary circles. As a poet, she is best known by the moniker "Brodsky's kid sister." In 2014, she will teach the city of Hoboken Russian.

Audrey Roth is a poet who writes her work on baseball cards; informed sources say that her verse led the Miracle Mets to victory in 1969. Her friends wonder whether she is a mother or a lawyer, or a mother of a lawyer. A yoga practitioner, Audrey often stands with arms akimbo. It is said that Hilary is looking at Audrey for Vice President, or possibly just for vice. Audrey enjoys running with bulls and plugging dykes.

Susan Lewis is a poet and psychiatrist with a practice focusing on disturbed haberdashers. Sources close to Susan say she is responsible for curing the otolith issues of over three thousand experimental poets. Her additional expertise is in being another poet and in giving state of the union addresses. Friends posit that Susan will have edited 800 online journals by 2015.
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